Inclusion. Special Day Class. Mainstreaming. Day Program. Group Home. The list could go on and on and on. They're all different, yet they have a common ground - Special Needs.
There's a community of individuals with special needs. Some are cognitively impaired, some suffer medical disabilities, others have a combo of both. Diagnosis can come prenatally, at birth or later in life - from childhood through adulthood. No matter the diagnosis, no matter when it comes, appropriate services are important.
Now for an ugly topic that is out there, but never seems to be addressed and I'm "sensing it" more and more. It's outright UGLY and it's WRONG. Here goes...
Every parent or caregiver has an idea - a gut feeling - about what's BEST for THEIR child. And trust me, these parents (I'm one of them) do not reach these decisions easily or lightly. They've evaluated their child. Others have evaluated their child. They've observed their child. Others have observed their child. There have been hours of tests, assessments, doctor visits, trial runs, various programs and/or techniques utilized, medication may be utilized, meetings (probably a whole bunch, with at least a half dozen people at each one) etc, etc. Finally, after all this information is processed, considered and discussed, a decision is reached about where the individual should be placed for school, living, etc.
Whew! That was a loonngg process and, honestly, the final placement may not even be "perfect", but, by golly, you as a parent KNOW that this is the BEST thing for YOUR child. Sure, time will tell if it's TRULY the best option, but that's why you've set goals and have heaps and heaps of more appointments and evaluations in your child's future. Regardless, you're excited - as you should be - and you want to share with fellow parents the decision you've reached. I'm not talking about your BFF who DOESN'T have kids with special needs. I'm talking about the folks who are traveling a similar road too you. Yup, the ones you go to support group with. The ones you go to for feedback on doctors, teachers, school districts, therapists. You value their opinion. You feel as though they "got your back".
But suddenly, they DON'T have your back. You find yourself listening to everything that's wrong with this or that about a a decision or placement that you likely just spent MONTHS figuring it out. It's a punch in the gut.
I shouldn't have to say this, but it appears I must. One size does not fit all. Hello - we - the parents of these amazing kids with special needs - we KNOW this. It's the root of why we have a gazillion people working with us and our child to find the absolute BEST fit for school or whatever situation we're currently dealing with.
Be kind. Be courteous. Think before you speak. REMEMBER that an environment or teacher or aide or therapist or inclusion opportunity or Special Day Class that didn't work for your child just might be the PERFECT fit for another individual. This is perfectly OK, really, it is. It's why there are a number of programs available and why new ones come into existence. Everyone has different dynamics to consider.
Don't tear each other down. Don't be a know it all. Don't jump to judgement.
Listen. Support. Offer encouragement. Ask questions. Be tactful when sharing your thoughts about this or that.
& if you don't have anything nice to say, follow the old rule & don't say anything at all...smile, walk away, process what you've heard and discussed...maybe you'll re-visit the topic with this fellow parent, maybe you won't, but show one another respect...the one thing we ALL have in common is that we want what is best for our child, even if the road we take to get their is the complete opposite of how another got there...