This summer, Savannah had the opportunity to attend a week long heart camp. It's a camp specifically designed for adolescents and teens living with congenital heart defects. It's a place where they are not the minority, but the majority - they all have zippers that lay across their chest and have similar life experiences - from hospital stays to unknown futures about their heart health.
It was my girl's 1st "away" camp. She was slightly nervous to attend, but, honestly, she was thrilled with the opportunity. My feelings weren't much different. There is a part of me that feels guilty that I wasn't more emotional - more distraught about leaving her for an entire week! I missed her, yet I knew she was exactly where she needed to be. Dylan and Jeremy both go away to camp - now it was time for her to join the ranks!
The week flew and before I knew it, it was time to gather my girl and find out if camp met our expectations. She was tired, but I could tell she had a BLAST! As we loaded into the car, she became a puddle of tears. I was taken back, suddenly concerned and asked her if all was ok. Her response, broken through her sobs, was beautiful - "Can I PLEASE come back next year?! PLEASE??!! It was SO awesome!!" I quickly reassured her she'd be back as often as she wanted!
We arrived home and as the afternoon progressed, I knew my girl was EXHAUSTED. She enjoyed a long, warm bath and then I had her climb into bed at the early hour of 5 PM. As I tucked her in, I could tell something was bothering her, so I inquired. Tears rolled down her cheeks. In almost a whisper, she asked, "Do I have a disease? Some people at camp called my heart diseased."
There was a lump in my throat. I asked for God to direct my words. We talked about diseases and defects and we chatted about Dylan's Down syndrome, Jeremy's hormone deficiency and Lincoln's quirky ear. She then asked if her next heart surgery was a choice. I took a deep breathe and said, "No, you have to have it and we're not sure how many you will have between now and the age of 100". She giggled at this, but then tears rolled down her cheeks. She asked, "What will happen if I don't have it?" Once again, I pleaded with God for the perfect words. I told her that the human body needs a heart that properly functions - if it can't function correctly, it will stop and that makes your whole body stop working, so then she would go live in heaven. Her response, "So, I would die if I don't have the surgery?" I responded, "Yes". We were both quiet, gentle tears rolling down our cheeks.
My heart broke into a million pieces. NO parent ever wants to have this type of conversation with their child. I asked her how she was feeling and she shrugged her shoulders. I reminded her that it was perfectly ok to feel angry, sad, scared - any feeling was OK! I assured her that we'd always be there for her...and then SHE quickly chimed in and reminded me that God was there for her too, just like he was there for Dylan, Jeremy and Lincoln and all the stuff they have to deal with! My heart was broken as I was processing all we had just discussed, but it soared to hear her speak with such confidence of God's ability to care for her, no matter what the future holds.
Life is a mystery. My girl will face a lot of crap AND joy in her journey. From our eternal salvation to the ability to be healed to believing that God will provide for our every need, no matter what it is, we must come to Him with child-like faith.