As much as I never want to be selfish, the desire strikes. I'm human, and I was recently reminded of just how selfish I am.
Rewind to this summer. Dylan attended our church summer camp (a full-inclusion opportunity) and it went seamlessly It was a very big deal for him and us. A big part of the credit for that goes to a young man by the name of Joe. He's a 20-something year old with a huge heart. He loves the Lord immensely and works with the church youth. For nearly a year, he has cultivated an amazing relationship with our red head. Dylan adores him. Joe selflessly gave up an entire week to be Dylan's 1-1 camp counselor. Simply put, camp would not have been possible without Joe.
Joe's life is evolving. About a month ago, he told me that he might be moving soon. He wants to be a youth pastor some day and it's time to start taking steps towards making it happen. I am SO excited for him, but inside I was screaming, "NO!! You CAN'T go!!" 100% selfishness.
I found myself thinking about this news - a lot. It's hard to describe what Joe means to Dylan and to Rob & I as his parents. It takes time to cultivate this type of genuine relationship for our sweet boy. Some times it works out, some times it doesn't.
I found myself before the Lord, asking him, "Why now? Why did Joe possibly have to go away when he and Dylan had found perfection in their friendship??" It didn't seem fair.
There were so many thoughts and feelings. I am thrilled that this young man has such a passion for youth and a desire to positively impact the world around him. Not only does he have a heart for young people, but he has a heart for Dylan. Even though he didn't know much about Down syndrome, he knew - in his own way - that Dylan's inclusion within the youth group was vital. Dylan does a lot of watching at youth group (his actual participation in games and other activities can be minimal). This is who Dylan is. He LOVES to watch all that is going on around him. With each passing week at youth group, his confidence grows. He has started to participate more. His participation is inconsistent, but he is soaking it ALL in and talks about youth group constantly at home. Joe "gets" Dylan. He pushes him just enough, but also knows when to let Dylan be.
I wish Joe's acceptance and actions towards Dylan (and the actions of our youth group and church as a whole) were typical, but that's not always the case. The truth is, inclusion of kids with special needs within the church youth group isn't straight forward. To be honest, their inclusion is more rare that most people realize.
Inclusion within the educational setting is law, but within the church it's different. It's not that the church doesn't want to do it, but they often don't know how to do it. The church has created well-oiled programs and resources for families, children, teens, singles, addicts of all types, teen moms, the elderly, under-privileged, homeless, oversee missions, prison ministries, and many others, but programs for those with special needs and/or their families are uncommon.
In fact, I've come to realize the community of special needs is one of the most under served ministries within the church. In the fifteen years of being Dylan's mom, I've only come across three churches with established programs for those with special needs. Of those three, just one had something for teens and adults. This truth saddens my heart. To be frank, the church we currently attend doesn't have any formal programs, but they accept Dylan for who he is and want to make it work for him. The willing attitude alone is enough of a "program" for our family!
But what does this all have to do with Joe?
Here's the thing. I accepted the fact that Joe was likely moving away to pursue his education and become a youth pastor. That's when God revealed to me it was time to SHARE JOE. God took me back to Dylan's baby dedication. His name means "Out from the Sea". We didn't choose his name for the meaning. We just loved the name and D-Y-L-A-N was our preferred way of spelling it. We actually felt a bit guilty that his name didn't appear to have some incredible meaning. On the day of Dylan's dedication, our pastor spoke specifically of his name. He explained that in preparation for the dedication that morning, he looked up the meaning of Dylan. He said that the Lord revealed to him that that Dylan had great purpose. "The Sea" represents humanity and Dylan was going to rise up and stand out in society. Dylan was going to rise up "Out from the Sea" and teach people.
For the past year, I believe Dylan has been teaching Joe, as well as our church, to love and accept him, no matter his quirks, random comments and other odds and ends that make Dylan "Dylan". Joe realizes that Dylan deserves the same opportunity to go to camp and youth group just as much as a "typical" 15 year old. This realization is the exception.
The time has come for Joe to take all that Dylan has taught him and pass it on. Joe has a heart for ministry. He has a willingness to reach out to those who others might be hesitant to reach out to...and he does so without hesitation. I don't know if Joe will work within the realm of special needs in the church, but it doesn't matter. What DOES matter is the experience he had with Dylan this past year. He is going to meet countless people along his journey, and I hope one day he can share about the experience he had with Dylan and that there is indeed a place for the individual with special needs in the church. By serving the "Dylan's", the families of the "Dylan's" are also being served - which is a HUGE need, and a ripple effect (but that's another blog).
I have no doubt Joe and Dylan have crafted a life long friendship, but this particular season of their relationship is closing. Joe must be shared, so that the Lord can continue to use him. I pray that Joe can pass on what he's learned about Dylan to the church, and I have no doubt that it's impact could be breathtaking.
